Pet Loss... grief and bereavement... the process of mourning...

Pet loss can be so terribly painful. As a veterinarian, this is something I see, and feel, almost daily. I feel it through my clients, their families and children, through my own pain and that of my staff members. As a pet owner, I've been there too. The grief can be overwhelming at times. It is the loss of a family member, a cherished companion, a warm friend that provided unconditional love and asked for so little in return.
There is so much misunderstanding about grief and loss in general, but even more so when the subject is pet loss. Not everyone understands the pain and the grief many animal lovers feel when they lose a beloved pet, which can leave the bereaved feeling isolated in their grief.

The process of grief has been defined into stages, some of which are briefly described below.

Denial/Shock
The reality of death has not yet been accepted by the bereaved. He or she feels stunned and bewildered, almost as if everything is "unreal." Denial makes it difficult to accept that your pet is really gone. It's hard to imagine that your pet won't greet you when you come home or curl up to nap in their favorite spot.

Anger
The grief stricken person often lashes out at family, friends, themselves, God, the veterinarian or the world in general. Bereaved people often also experience feelings of guilt or fear during this stage.

Depression
Depression is a natural consequence of grief, but can leave one feeling powerless to cope with your feelings. Extreme depression robs you of motivation and energy, causing you to dwell upon your sorrow. The bereaved person may feel intensely sad, hopeless, drained and helpless. The instensity of the grief may make it difficult to concentrate or make decisions. These feelings may wax and wane, but usually gradually decrease over time.

Acceptance
Acceptance comes with healing, and often the recognition that the pet may now be in a better place, safe and free from pain. Acceptance that our pet's lives are relatively short compared to ours; a painful reality for many of us.

The depth and intensity of the mourning process depends on many factors. The age of the owner, circumstances surrounding the death, relationship of the animal to the owner and to other family members, are all significant. Recently experiencing the death of a significant person in the owner's life can also affect how the pet's death is handled. Usually, children recover more quickly, while the elderly may take the longest. Sometimes, the death of a pet will finally enable the bereaved to mourn the loss of a person (or another pet) whose death had not yet been accepted.
Grief is a natural process and the healthiest thing to do is allow yourself to feel the pain and work through it. Share your thoughts with friends and family who understand your attachment. The most important thing is to realize you are not alone. Many people do understand the depth of your loss. And healing will come with time. Meanwhile, take care of yourself by eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep and put aside unnecessary chores. You have enough on your mind and you need some time for yourself. Give yourself time to heal and recover from your loss. Write a poem, make a scrapbook of memories or a photo memorial to honor your friend. Be patient with yourself... healing from grief takes time.
Don't hesitate to use all the resources available to you including reading, speaking with the clergy or support groups, visiting support websites and individual counseling. There are many resources sited at the end of this article.

Children & Pet Loss
Typically, honesty works best with children. You are the best judge of how much information they can handle, but the truth is generally the most effective. If they are led to believe the pet just "went away", they will grieve without closure and sometimes wonder what they did wrong to make them leave or wait in anguish for their return. A memorial service can help children understand the pet is gone permanently and facilitate closure. Discussing your own grief can help them realize their feelings are a normal and acceptable response to loss.


A Tribute to Pets.....

Paw Prints

They come into our lives suddenly,

and often unexpectedly.

The ball of fur with liquid brown eyes,

so willing to be a loyal friend.

Looking only for a meal and a kind word,

offering their hearts to us without restraint.

Their unbridled joy at our entrance,

their unconditional love that never fails us.

The warmth on a lonely night,

the shared understanding of an eternal friend.

The void they fill is exceeded only by the void they leave behind.

The gift they give us is unmatched,

the loyalty incomparable,

the love immeasurable.

Their paw prints remain forever on our hearts.

Elizabeth F. Baird, DVM
2/8/06

Remembering My Pet by Nechama Liss-Levinson, PhD and Rev. Molly Phinney Baskette, MDiv, ISBN 978-1-59473-221-8 (2007) Ages 7-13
The death of a pet is often a child's first encounter with grief. How your child learns to cope through this experience may affect his or her attitude into adulthood. Drawing on concepts from psychology and a broad multifaith perspective, this supportive workbook provides a sensitive and practical resource that will help children ages 7 to 13 cope with the death of a beloved animal. Children can write, draw, read, create and express feelings via concrete, hands-on activities.

When a Pet Dies by Fred Rogers, Putnam, ISBN 0399215042 (1988) Ages 4-8
In this useful book from the First Experience series, the affable star of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood helps children share feelings of the loss of a pet while offering reassurance that grieving is a natural, healing thing to do. A sensitive and sensible first book about death.

Pet Loss Websites:                                              

ASPCA Pet Loss Support

Pet Loss Support

Grief in Children

University of Florida, Veterinary Medical Center's Loss Support

The Delta Society's Pet Loss Support

Animal Chaplains